Tuesday, 19 April 2016

Being ME!

This post is quite serious because even though it effects most of us, it effects a lot of youngsters. When I was growing up, the schools and some of the areas I lived made me think I had to act and be in a certain way. The way I spoke, the way I dressed... It just wasn't me.
Secondary school was the worst, as people got worse as they got older. We all have are own stories probably quite similar to this but in different ways. Everyone wants to fit in. Just some people have stronger wills then others, to stand up for them selves and others. Even though I was only 16 when I left school and then sort of went straight to uni, it still effected me a lot!

I was at Private school, and I had a lot of things to be thankful for. But I was so close to moving to a State (Public) School, as I felt like it would suit me better. However my parents wanted to keep me where I was, to get the extra help that I needed for my learning difficulties. I did get a lot of opportunities there that I wouldn't of got at a State School. But this wasn't enough for me to want to stay there.

I was for sure going to leave after GCSE's, as I couldn't cope with the environment anymore and pressures. When I moved back to London after, I was so happy. I had never felt so free to explore and nothing stoping me. From 2014 to 2015 is was difficult to get over my fears and anxiety. I was still learning that certain things were okay to do that I didn't think was right before. Also trying to stay away from people from my 'past years'. Being at a art uni helped as it's the best place to experiment and find your self. Even at the end of my first year back in London, I still didn't feel like myself.

Since September I've been doing a foundation course at CSM (Central St Martins). It's given me so much to learn from and helped me to develop my creative skills. If you know CSM, you'll know that you will find some real people there being there complete selves. Obviously not everyone everywhere will be how you want them to be, but it's a large percentage here.
Even though i'm still teaching myself, to stop acting in certain ways because I think I have to. I've gotten so much better at learning to be myself. It's so important especially in our society, to not 'to be a sheep' (follow the crowd). But to stand up for yourself, and be who you wanna me! (as long as you're not hurting others).

I'm starting to dress more like me, act more like me, and understand and learn my inner self. Not to how other's would like me to be.

If you were to take one thing from this post, it is to learn to discover yourself and understand who you are and not be afraid to show it to the world!

I've been lucky enough to have a few really close friends that I can trust, and tell pretty much anything to. But to be completely honest, it has taken me a while to be 100% honest and truthful to them. I still am in a way. But communication is so important, that keeping your feelings hidden isn't good for you.

Thanks for reading! Hope this has been a helpful post!

Lots of Love x

1 comment: